Too often in this day and age the only news we hear about is full of doom and gloom. Every day when you check the news the headlines are dominated by death, violence, terrorism, politics, faux outrage and controversy. In a time where people are utterly consumed with themselves and only ever want to appear courageous in the face of a non existent threat, we seldom see true acts of heroism and bravery. After all, it’s far easier to change your facebook profile picture to show your support, than to actually tackle an issue with your own two hands. Enter James Ross-Munro & Kane Wiblen. Watchful protectors. Not so silent guardians.
Saturday night, ‘Straya Day long weekend, a couple of lads were on a journey that I’m sure we’ve all been on at one point or another in our lives… The late night servo run. If I had a dollar for every time I’d ducked down to the nearest service station at some ridiculous hour to stock up on smokes, Powerade, Mountain Dew, Arnotts Shapes and a sausage roll well.. I’d have enough cash for one hell of a servo run! Our intrepid pals were on one such run when all of a sudden disaster struck. In what would almost certainly turn a lesser man for home, our hero had tragically “busted a plugga”. For all our international readers, he had broken a thong/flip flop.
Rather than give up on his quest our valiant hero stopped to address the issue at
foot hand, and using a combination of knowledge, technical nous and years of experience he set about unbusting that plugga much like a modern day Macgyver. However midway through this intricate, surgical procedure the lads noticed something was awry. There was a suspicious car parked nearby, and it seemed a dastardly duo had plans of knocking off the local Oporto. Instantly dismissing his own dilemma, not to mention all regard for personal safety, our bold adventurer set off to investigate.
In 2016 thanks to a combination of amazing mobile phone technology and widespread cowardice we often see on the news sensational footage of crimes taking place. Unfortunately though, that’s all we see. The person filming the footage is more often than not far more concerned with getting the perfect angle and delivering expert commentary than actually preventing the crime.
Shooting the perfect video to achieve fleeting viral fame almost always wins out over actually helping ones fellow man. James & Kane were having absolutely none of this, and as you can see from the footage below (believed to have been filmed on a potato) decided to step in and save the day.
In an audacious moment of sheer brilliance, James seized control of the situation, thwarting the crooks getaway by boldly opening the car door and removing the keys. Genius. All while both lads were bellowing at the service station attendant to call the police and pretty much creating a ruckus so loud that not only was all of Arundel surely woken from their sleep, but more importantly the bandits quickly realised the jig was up. In an act of futility not seen since Smithy asked Holder if him and the Windies actually wanted to make a game of the New Years test match, the failed burglars made a dart for their getaway vehicle only to realise they had been comprehensively outwitted.
A job well done! Or so you would think! Not intent with letting the two perpetrators of the Great, Failed Chicken Heist of 2016 vanish into the night, James accosted one of the two and managed to “allegedly” (I say allegedly as I do not want the do gooders of the world to cry assault or something equally as ridiculous) get in a couple of sweet, righteous blows of justice. Much like the Peoples Elbow, I would imagine. In a true show of modesty, he did concede the empty handed pillagers escaped him due to him being “too fat”. But I’m not copping that. Come on mate, there is no need for humility and this isn’t the time nor the place. We all know the only thing holding you back was that busted plugga and on any other day you would have rounded the bastards up in less time than it takes Bob Hawke to knock back a frothy!
Fortunately it seems at this time one of the culprits is in custody, believed to have been caught by the police, minus his dignity but with as few, shall we say souvenirs from the evening. He will no doubt roll on his partner in failed crime and justice will almost be done. When asked the motives behind his lionhearted display of courage, James simply said he believed the car may have been stolen and belonged to a family and that he was “not really a big fan of people who did that sort of thing”
Just when I thought this story could not get any better, enter Karl Stefanovic – enjoy
Two days out from ‘Straya Day, we surely have a new frontrunner for Australian of the Year. And if the nominations already closed months ago, then I say we bloody well open them up again! For there is not a more deserving bloke than one James Ross-Munro esq. Not to mention his trusty sidekick, Kane Wiblen. Failing that, I dare say these blokes will be offered free Oportos until further notice and won’t be able to set foot in any pub in the country without being shouted as many beers as is physically possible to consume. Which I have no doubt in the case of these legendary blokes, would be a ridiculously high number of beers.
Lads, Australia salutes you.