Suuuurely not

It’s 2016 and the world has officially lost the fucking plot. Every day I can’t even spend 5 minutes catching up on news, pals, life, etc without something or someone making me stop and think suuuurely not. Surely they can’t be serious.


I have recently come to suspect that two people I’ve known longer than anyone in my life are, or at the very least were – pathological liars. To be fair they haven’t told me any whoppers for a very long time that I know of. But they most certainly had a history of telling me outrageous tales which I believed. A fat guy that breaks into houses while everyone is asleep, some weird lady with a fetish for teeth, I can’t believe I believed them like a sucker! The devious duo I’m referring to here is of course my parents. Your parents were probably pathological liars too. Santa, the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny I can accept. But this “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me” business? Absolute rubbish. Every day I see in the news and on social media people suffering all kinds of severe, life threatening trauma. Victims of savage written and verbal remarks are everywhere and something needs to be done to stop the carnage, damnit!

Well, to be fair this isn’t entirely accurate. In fact, it is completely untrue and I should probably apologise for the whole “pathological liar” accusation. But in my defence, it’s an easy mistake to make. Everywhere you look people are crying bloody murder because somebody said either something mean or even worse – something they didn’t agree with. And people are deeply offended. Words that don’t even have anything to do with someone can even cause an unrelated third party immense personal grief. People are even deeply offended because of how they perceive and interpret things. Sometimes it takes nothing more than the way one chooses to take an innocuous comment to accuse oblivious commenters of being hateful bigots, racists, militant feminists, misogynists or worse. How dare they say that! It almost seems like the perpetually offended would rather hit themselves in the head with a rock or a stick. Obviously they wouldn’t though, that would cause actual, real-life hurt.

How have we as a society allowed this to happen? Sticks and stones is still very much applicable. Words don’t really do anything. Comedian Steve Hughes says it best. If somebody gets offended, they can just be offended. Nothing actually happens. Yet here we are, with the hysterical keeping the rest of us walking on egg shells as to not offend someone and face the wraith of the internet mob. And perhaps that’s a suggestion into why we’re seeing more and more of it. Being outraged is empowering. Being offended gives you the support of the mob and the strength to bravely fight against those who slighted Remember, you’re the aggrieved one so the gloves are off. Mob rule has now been invoked. You won’t be judged for standing up for what you believe in, no matter how dubious the source of your rage or how malicious you actions.

This faux outrage rubbish used to just be notorious for ruining conversations, friendships and witty status updates. It would all be over fairly quickly with the aggrieved moving onto their next fad cause while the rest of us generally just moved on with our lives vowing to never speak to that person again. I’m not sure if it’s a change in perspective personally, or if the issue truly has worsened, but these days faux outrage is a far bigger issue. It is almost exclusively used for self-gain. Or to maliciously attack often undeserving parties. Shaming, doxing, guilt trips and emotional blackmail being preferred techniques. The perpetually outraged see what they want to see, interpret things in a way that supports whatever they’re lobbying against that day and frequently change their perspective, attitudes and agendas.

spilt milk

It’s happening way too fucking often and won’t be ceasing any time soon.

The absurd is becoming the standard. You know what I’m talking about.

Mensa meetings have moved to comment sections across the internet, and are now filled with pretty much anyone else who has long abandoned the concept of common sense ready their pitchforks. Eagerly awaiting further instructions as to where and at whom to direct their wrath. They’re sharing every post, they’re ready to make a difference. and damnit you KNOW they’re showing their support!!!



And then there’s me thinking to myself suuuuuuurely not, triple checking to make sure what I’m reading isn’t just extremely plausible satite But it’s not satire, it’s the reality. So here we are.

I’ll be ripping into topics overrun by idiots whenever I feel motivated enough to. All kinds of idiots. Idiot celebrities, idiot athletes, idiot politicians, idiot journos anyone really. If we can’t rid the world of these stupidity then the least we can do is ridicule them. Irrelevant if it’s a man or a woman. Whether they are white, black, brown, yellow, pink, purple. green, turquoise or clear. What side (corner?) of the political scene they are on. Who their invisible friend is. It’s 2016, proudly support and promote #equality


Or don’t. I won’t be offended.


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